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There’s no such thing as an “ex-anorexic”. Once you’ve had an eating disorder it will haunt you forever. I’ve been living through this for 4 years now. There were several months here and there when I actually “battled” it. I’ve been in a clinic. I’ve been taken out of the country to help me deal with this. But every time it’s the same story - I battle it, gain weight, and when something that fit me before doesn’t fit me anymore [a normal part of a weight gain] I go ballistic and it begins all over again.
I’ve had a relapse these past 2 weeks. A bulimia relapse. And a drug one. It’s been terrible and as always I promise myself it won’t ever happen again. No matter what I do in life, THIS will always be a part of me. I will always be the woman who knows the calorie chart as well as the back of her hand, and I’ll always be the woman who occasionally says “No” to going out because “going out” means “eating out”. And realizing that it’s something I’m gonna have to live for the rest of my life with hurts like nothing before.
“The scale breaks my heart more than any guy ever could”
“Never give up what you want the most for what you want right now ♥”
4-6 lbs in a day
34 fl oz bowling water
1 tbs vodka
1 tbs honey
1 tbs lemon juice [freshly squeezed, duh]
1 tbs instant coffee [yuck, but worth it]
That’s your meal plan for the day + water. Warm it up [on the stove or in the microwave] before drinking.
Don’t binge the next day!!!!
PS: doesn’t taste as disgusting as it sounds, I promise.
“Monsters don’t sleep under your bed. They sleep inside your head.”
Ana
Ana is your friend if you treat her right. You live by her rules, and if you break them, you get the worst punishment possible. Worse than just depression. When you’re depressed, you don’t even want to live. When you live by Ana’s rules, you want to live for one reason only - to get thinner. It’s the kind of depression when everything else doesn’t matter unless you’re shedding pounds, ounces, grams. When even water weight sends you on a spiral to paranoia. When you count calories in mints, gum. When sleeping pills become your best friends because the only time you’re not hungry is in your sleep. When you’re cold even when it’s 90 degrees outside. When alcohol and drugs aren’t even an option anymore - alcohol has too many calories, and drugs make you more hungry. Ana will make you forget your loved ones, college, any dreams and hopes you have. Your only dream now is to lose weight. More and more. But when you do, Ana rewards you - the euphoria of losing yet another pound is indescribable, amazing, and can’t be compared to anything else in the universe.
“If you eat today, you’ll never be as light as a feather.”
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